I Am A Drifter & No I Am Not Lost

The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you be somebody else.

– E.E.Cummings

This is my story and it is anything but boring. I know years later when I narrate it, this story is going to be an interesting one, you never know, maybe the most interesting one around. This is the story of a drifter who believes she is not lost. Find out why:

Back during my school days, when I had my poems being published in the local editions of TOI and HT, I wanted to be a journalist. I didn’t know how did people become journalists but I sure wanted to be one. For me it was a profession of words. Yes, that’s what I wanted. Well, I didn’t had to research much about it; my folks were dead against it and so the idea got shelved.

Next I wanted to be an administrative professional. To do what? Heck I had no idea. I wanted to be an administrative professional but not the standard MBA types. Thanks to Employment News, MBA in Hospital Administration sounded good. It had a challenging ring to it. So that was it! But while in those 5 years at college, most people wanted to go into hospital operations, it is easier to land a job there, I ran after HR. The human aspect was interesting. HR or Finance has fewer jobs. So what do I choose? HR of course. I tell my interviewer during my campus interview hospital operations is boring, human beings are interesting. Guess what, they gave me the job đŸ˜€ I still wonder if there was a mistake!

5 years of corporate HR in Mumbai and I wanted to run away from it all. From the metropolis. From the corporate job. I thought home is where I want to be. So home it is.

Another HR job but not in metropolis Mumbai, but hometown Bhopal. Not a corporate setup, but a startup. But boy, did I miss Mumbai! The work horse didn’t want to rest even when the job involved travelling between Kochi & Bhopal. In one word – I got really bored. Writing a resignation is easy & deciding to write it is even more easier. Atleast for me. I Quit. There’s a sadistic pleasure in that word.

Wandering around the historical places in Kochi was the best way to spend post resignation vacation, I thought. Inspiration stuck. I started writing again. In a notebook this time. A travelogue. That’s when I felt, offices are not for me. I want to write. I am going to write. That’s all I am doing. Write. The magic of words, the nausea of stories and the toil of narration. Yes, that’s going to be my life. The book blog was born. Ideas to enterprise it started coming, too. But the folks got really worried. MBA and this crap of a career?

Ok, back to job hunt. Enough of HR; the new challenge is instituting Quality Department and getting a national accreditation. Fun, eh? I thought so. Offered accepted. Moved. It’s Indore this time. 3 years go by. The blog is the lifeline during this period. The fun of Quality is ebbing now. The accreditation is closer now. I am bored again. Time to move. The hunt is on again. But I want the blog to become bigger. Clash of motives. Finances win. It is Bangalore next. As head of operations and everything else that is there in a hospital.

But the boredom set in really quick this time. Within months. I was right in my campus interview. Operations is boring. In hindsight, only one thing held my attention in all these years, in high and low proportions but the magic did not wane. Words. I know that’s where my soul lies. It is where the harp of my heart will sing. And like I said quitting doesn’t scare me, in contrast it is thrilling. It brings along the prospect of something new. Something more exciting.

The mother is forever confused. “How can every thing, every place, every person bore you?”, she asks. I tell her, “Stories don’t.”

I am now back with the first love of my life. Words. I write healthcare articles. I write stories. I write blogs. I review books. I edit stories. I run a content creation studio. I run a book promotions website. I dream of creating more on that website.  I dream about more stories that come knocking my mind, urging me to write them. And I dream of writing for more physical mediums. I also dream of earning more. So I am drifting in a space between dreams and reality. And I am not bored, this time.

Meanwhile the bestie called and asks if I would like to a trainer for her company. It brings along the prospect of teaching and travelling. Both of which I have a lot of love for. Another contact calls up with the prospect of a day job as head of digital marketing in Bangalore. I said yes to both, whichever comes along first. Do you judge me and dismiss me as a mad hatter?

Ah. Bingo. That’s a title I am quite proud of. Sane people I am told don’t have the guts to follow their inner most dreams. Their mind scares them with the possibilities of an uncertain future. They it seems don’t find uncertainty exciting. Now that’s boring.

Now that you have endured this story, I will let you on my little secret why I still believe that I drift but I am not lost. Because whenever I have tried to change the course of things or control the flow, it has definitely changed but it only took me away for a while to return me back to the stage of my life. The stage that the universe has set up for me. The stage that I am the star of.

And this is my biggest learning in life:

I am not here only to eat, sleep, pay bills and die; I am here to find out why I was put on this earth and for that I need to let go and trust the flow. I am doing just that. I am not lost. I am only moving towards writing the best draft of my story.

Are you?

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