Girl, Don’t Forget You Are A Woman

LoveLife-01

24 year-old actress found dead. Suicide suspected. 

Ever since the news broke out on April 1, 2016, that television actress Pratyusha Banerjee has committed suicide at her Mumbai residence, the internet has been breaking. There have been many speculations floating around as to why she took this extreme step. Right from trouble in love paradise to financial troubles to psychological depression owing to these as well as other pressures of her profession are being speculated as the reason. But the truth that stares us in the face is – a young life has ended. Nipped in the bud by her own act.

I don’t know if Pratyusha Banerjee decided to end her life because her relationship was giving her unbearable woes. Or because she had a lot of debts and felt that the mountain of debts is unsurmountable. Or because her profession put her under too much work pressure that it had pushed her to be a frustrated, depressed individual. I am not privy to these details, but what I know is no girl lives a frustration or depression free life including me.I am a normal middle class girl and I know girls like me. Some are battling relationship issues, some are battling the burden of social expectations, some are tired of being the cash cow’s for their families while some are on the verge of giving up because the load of expectations in some form or another is pulling them down.

But they still don’t give up. Do you know why? Amongst all reasons the biggest ones being that they are Women – God’s superior creation.They are not wired to give up!

Show me one woman who does not has troubles in her life. Who has not been let down by her loved ones. Who has not faced frustration, loneliness or self doubt. We have all faced depression in some form or another. And we are all survivors. I don’t intend to be mean but the world will not salute or even spare some respect for the likes of Pratyusha Banerjee or Jiah Khan. The world salutes women like her:

I have lived 33 years of my life. Single. I stay 1600 kms away from my family. I am self employed which for those who don’t know comes with its own pressures and frustrating moments especially when you don’t have an assurance that someone will pay your bills. I am no expert and I may not be the best person to give out tips to women out there but I definitely can tell you reasons why most of my friends call me a happy soul. This one is for you girls:

A Man or a Child or a Relationship Does Not Define You: The society including your own mother is going to tell you, first that till you have a man beside you and till you strike out your father’s last name and replace with your man’s last name you are not complete; and then after the man comes they are going to tell you that till you bear a child you are not complete. Only when a women blooms does she become complete. This is a line which I have heard often. Hear it but don’t take it to heart. Don’t let that line or for that sake any line define you. If your creator sent you with rules, they will be etched in your soul and you will know what to follow. And since he didn’t, just do what makes you happy. Do not let a man or lack of him/ a child/ a relationship or lack of it define you.

You are neither a trophy nor a machine. Be the woman that you were sent as!

Keep Your Gal Pals Close, Always: While I was in Indore, I had a coffee buddy. Often over coffee sitting at CCD, we would talk about how different men and women needs are. While the former has overwhelming physical needs and their emotional needs never gain prominence, the latter’s emotional needs are overwhelming. Physical needs we have but again like the former’s emotional needs – it never gains prominence. We would sit and question the society’s sanity when it mandated that Man and Women would live together. And this is the reality of our lives. Most of the things we women love doing, we can do only with our girl pals, likewise for our opposite gender too. Trust me girls, go out with atleast one girl pal of yours once a week, though group hangouts are even more fun. You won’t know where the happiness suddenly manifested from.

From you heart secrets to your bedroom secrets you can tell them anything. And our girlfriends have solutions for everything, even without asking. With them around you are going to love yourself more and that will be real balance!

Keep Busy: Please do not hang on that one text message or call. Your happiness or moods are not to be defined by that. Should not be. Have your body of work. It pays or not is something we will come to later. But work. Pursue your passion, take up a new course, find work that suits your qualifications, associate with a social cause…do anything, but work. This will not just keeps you busy, it also builds your self esteem and confidence. It builds your network of friends. And it also builds up an image of a self reliant achiever. Would you like to be in a relationship with a man who gives you a lot of attention but doesn’t has a good job? Everyone loves success. And everybody includes your boyfriend/ husband too. Make sure he is proud of you. And just being dolled up isn’t something to be proud of for very long.

If you have to be, be his trophy and not his arm candy!

Earn Your Fare. Be Financially Independent.: It does not matter how much you earn, but earn enough for your needs, atleast. If you are married, then you may have possibly heard this many times, “Your husband earns so well…you don’t even need to go out and earn. Stay at home & have fun.” I won’t say don’t adjust to the changes or don’t make compromises. And nor do you have to only go to a office to earn. We luckily live in an age where it has become much easier to explore our passions and nearly everything today can earn us money. And to spend money that you earned, that feels great. Almost liberating.

A friend of mine filed for divorce from her husband because the bloke used to spend all his salary by 15th and then ask her for money. Don’t let money be the sore point of you relationship. Don’t let your financial dependence be the reason of you being with him. Don’t let him feel that he owns you because he buys you stuff. Let love be the only reason.

He would love you in a gown but he will also respect you in a gown that you paid for. It’s not because he doesn’t want to spend on you, but an independent woman is a high that only an independent woman can give. Trust me it’s healthy!

Be Emotionally Dependent. On You. Only.: You are a woman, you have emotional needs. Yes. But don’t make your partner the bearer of that need, unless he volunteer’s to do so. Which, with Indian men, is unlikely. Being least dependent is the key to keeping that smile on your face. Be self reliant – not just financially but also emotionally. No one likes a leech. Positivity is very attractive. And a dependent person is not positive. That person is always whining about what she doesn’t have. Don’t be that person. You’ll look ugly.

You are someone’s little girl but you are also a woman. God’s superior creation. You were designed to take in storms and give out love and care. You are wired to be the support of god’s other creation. Don’t ask for support from the one who was designed to get support from you. Don’t insult your creator.

Woman up!

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